There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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