i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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