you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
