I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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