R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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