It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
