i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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