HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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