I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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