she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
