you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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