i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
