my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize