I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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