I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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