i just wanna soil my oats bro
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
