Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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