You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
