I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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