i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize