I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My balls are so social today.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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