You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
