Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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