Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
