1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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