$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
