So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
