even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
