Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
