im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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