Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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