we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize