What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
