I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize