I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
