you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The uberlube is also flammable
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
