Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
