You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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