i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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