My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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