i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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