Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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