Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love having hate sex.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize