There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
only you would photoshop your dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
