You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
