make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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