my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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