He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
