What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
