You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
pop tarts are not kleenex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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