the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
