He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
