I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
