i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Success! We fucked roommates!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
