Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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