if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
