You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
