is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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