Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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