1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
