thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
