There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
