I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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