I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
