The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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