Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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