How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
