I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
