My Higher Power is John Stamos
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
