This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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