I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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